In a prior post (Moving Out – With Eyes Wide Open) I mentioned that our sons were ALL talking about the prospect of getting their own place.
The plan is unfolding, perfectly 🙂
In late June two of our sons (Ian – the oldest and Evan – the youngest) moved-in to their own apartment, together. The move went smoothly and it has been encouraging to see them take on the new responsibilities of living on their own.
It was especially interesting to hear an observation made by Evan, when he said: I see all these dishes in our sink and realize that if I don’t take care of them, no-one else will.
YES! Music to my ears…
Earlier this week Aaron and I were talking and he said: Man, I REALLY want to get my own place!
I responded with: You probably aren’t far off from being able to do so. Let’s do some math.
We did, with the assumption that he and his brother Ethan would live together. And, voila, the math worked!
Aaron, Cindy and I promptly went to the large apartment complex, where Ian and Evan live, to view available units. Aaron found one that he liked. All he needed to do was convince Ethan to join him 🙂
That evening we all talked, reviewed the math and Ethan was on board. The following day the 2 boys met at the apartment complex, completed the paperwork, and were approved!
Move-in day is…TODAY…
It was especially interesting to hear an observation made by Aaron, when he said: Now I feel like I have a purpose for going to work. Before, I was kind of…just…skating. Now I can say: I have my own place! And, I am motivated to make a lot of money.
YES! More music to my ears…
Did you notice the common thread in the boys’ observations? They are both rising to the next level of accountability and SELF-motivation. You just gotta love that!
Why?
Because, until we adults (18+) are out there, on our own, we are participating in an entitlement system. That is, as human nature goes, until we are fully accountable for ourselves we shall, at some level, skate (a.k.a. take advantage of the entitlements “given” to us by our parents). I did it. You did it, or are currently doing it…
As such, we parents need to ensure we are increasingly enabling our kids as they age and then determining the appropriate “tipping point” for when it is time to encourage their launch from the nest.
Every situation is different. However, just because we can afford to let our kids live with us does NOT mean that we should. It just may not be the best thing for all involved.
When is it time? The key requirements would include:
- Having a full time job. If they don’t have one, and aren’t still in school, they need one – RIGHT NOW!
- The math works (income is greater than the anticipated living expenses).
That’s pretty much it…
In closing, life moves incredibly fast. In less than 8 hours Cindy and I will officially be empty nesters 🙂
We will now decide what happens next. You see, we have way too much house for only 2 people to live in. And, I’ve had just about enough of being the maintenance man, groundskeeper and pool boy 🙂
This will be the main point of discussion during our upcoming camping trip…
All the best!
Be Brave Not Safe 
Wow, where does the time go? It was just yesterday we were Tiger Cub leaders for our kids. Hey, don’t forget you need a place for family gatherings including grand kids!
I know it – only yesterday!!! And, we hopefully have a few years before grandkids. But, one never knows 😉
Great post, Craig. We too have too much house, but are thinking about future grand kids, and trying to figure out what to do… lots of interesting options! Hope moving day today is lots of fun!